The lost blog post
OO MY – this is HILARIOUS! I am practising being more and more honest with myself and motherly embracing more of my emotional growing pains. As my desire is to move forward gracefully and with ease on this evolutionary path that I have chosen for myself.
I KNOW in my bones, heart and soul that it CAN be easy. It can be grace filled and joy filled to expand AS we move into uncharted territory and grow and evolve. And I also consistently bump up against my own patterning and conditioning. I have a very strong inner drive, a soul calling to transform lives. First and foremost, my own and then to inspire growth and transformation in others. AND i am SOOOO HUMAN!!! I have SO much “stuff” stored in my soma. Which IS the work.
I don’t want to leave any parts of myself or my life behind. I want to create wellbeing, harmony and inner peace within my physical, emotional and mental being, within my family, my kids, my relationships, my career - in all parts of my life.
Nothing is excluded. Everything needs to be taken on board.
Playing “hiding game”
I FELT the invitation to up-level on all levels the FIRST day I came home from retreat in June. The first two months I felt that I integrated, processed and embodied the transformation and experience of the retreat very gracefully, smoothe and SO harmoniously. I was THRILLED and proud of myself – for not hitting any upper limits or crash after retreat – it just flowed smoothly. Most of the integration happened inside my own self and within my closest family. SO GOOD.
And now I am starting to realise that I am slowing myself down, which is ok, if I consciously choose that. Which I don’t. I am suddenly aware of my old habit of hiding out. I am NOT upleveling on all areas. I am not bringing my own lessons, teachings, insights out to inspire others growth and wellbeing. I am not putting myself out there. I am not embracing my growing pains that comes from the desire to be a part of this beautiful paradigm shift in consciousness that are happening now. I am avoiding the uncomfortable out of my fear of being rejected and misunderstood. I am letting my ego-protection mechanism talk me into all kinds of good reasons to still play small!
And you know what – that is also ok. There is only so much we can do at once. My absolute first priority is my relationship to my kids and my husband, my closest family.
As I now have become conscious of my “hiding game” (again) I went to write a blog post. And I found this unfinished post that just got “stuck” in the process (hiding game):
Winds of change
After the life altering retreat in Sardinia, held magnificently by my beloved mentor Tiffany Carole, I am standing here on our little island out in the Norwegian Sea and reflecting on the “winds of change”. It has been windy her for almost two weeks now and I can feel how challenging the constant blowing is for my inner peace. Even though the sun is shining, the weather is warm, the wind is coming in from one side or the other all the time. Never silence and calm. I have had a few very early mornings in quiet and have FELT deeply in my bones how my guiding light and value: inner peace is affecting every single cell in me. I LOVE silence! I love PEACE. And I have been on the search for inner peace, without consciously knowing what I was longing for, my entire life. I feel so proud of myself when I now truly feel I can TRUST myself in always knowing how to support myself. With my own holy toolbelt, and how to find or ask for the support I need. I have developed a strong sense of what is in alignment and not, and TRUST in my own inner knowing to guide me.
It’s easier to leave our comfort zone when we know we can always bring ourselves back to the feeling of safety from within.
Learning to FEEL, not JUDGE
This FELT true in July. And now, in September, it feels so not true. After a serious downward spiraling into self-doubt after I guested a podcast. I actually kind of stopped it being published – because of my own emotional hi-jacking.
And all of it is the truth! I am constantly changing and evolving. Our cells die off every day and new ones are born - we are never the same person the next day.
The only thing that is always true is that everything is always changing. And I can choose to embrace that with openness, curiosity and SO MUCH compassion instead of clinging to, holding on to something that made sense before, or also holding on to my old identities.
How does this FEEL to me NOW? Does this feel true to me NOW? If I can STAY in that awareness – it doesn’t matter if it looks like I have changed my mind, said something “wrong” or someone didn’t agree or even disliked my truth. It is my truth – in the moment, with the awareness I have here and now. And it can change.
I am not judging it, measuring it, comparing it – I am just FEELING it. For myself. And following my heart's desire to create meaningful change in how I live my life.